John Casey just described 99 per cent of the Australian Labor
Party. Hacks. Sycophants. Nepotistic freeloaders. Careerists.
Politics is not a career.
In my opinion.
The thing I hate most about the Labor Party and please lest anyone
think I love the Liberal Party - I will never vote for that cartel of liars as
long as I live, is that implicit in everything they do is a
paternalistic/maternalistic we know best attitude which breeds a really debilitating
insincere smile. I also hate the way they have let political correctness have
free rein. And when that free rein incurs its way into my back yard - language
- then I say - non pasaran motherfuckers.
Why, you may be wondering should someone be so hostile on what
appears to be a fine Sunday morning. It starts with a newspaper article late
last week. Weightwatchers will no longer allow posters to their online forums
to use the word 'fat'. Apparently some members find this offensive. Now, this
decision does not affect me directly, although some nasty, insensitive right
wing fascist associates of mine might suggest that in fact I am currently on
the wrong side of the definitely not playing at your peak weight scale; my
leftist associates would perhaps more generously suggest that I am currently
alternatively enabled kilogramatically speaking.
But this is not about me.
Now, here's where reality steps in and slaps me in the face.
Saturday afternoon, the squeezette, son 1, son 3 and myself venture down to a
Northcote cafe for a coffee and a spot of family bonding. After surveying the
table, son 1 is sent forth to order two skinny lattes, an airport of coffees (A
three coffee sample pack. Note that if I had the time I could now take off on a
diatribe regarding the introduction of coffee snobdom into a very simple item,
but what the hell) and a banana smoothie. So far, so good. an acceptable number
of minutes later, the waitress arrives with stage one of the airport coffee
selection, with so little coffee in a so petite a cup that I was left to wonder
if son 1 was supposed to actually drink it or just recognise that this minuet
of a cup had once held coffee from some obscure Kenyan plantation that I was
supposed to have heard of and automatically recognise as a sensitive and
politically correct coffee growing region. Next comes, wait for this, our
waitress returns with, and yes she does introduce them thus: "Two trim
lattes."
I don't go straight into John Casey mode. I prefer to give her the
option of revealing that this is her not unreasonable attempt at humour. If
that's the case, she has failed to follow up with a smile or some other
signifier. And I know two things: She is serious. She thinks it is acceptable
to lassoo the language and abuse it in the interests of spineless everyone deserves
to win political correctness. I will not accept this in my life.
"I'm sorry," I said, "we ordered skinny
lattes." I stayed silent on the fact that I don't need any bleeding heart
this year's model left wing, I care a million times more about the world than
anyone else I know, waitress telling me what I can and cannot say; what words
are and are not acceptable this month. that is not my way.
My leftist linguist was ever ready and patient with her
explanation. "We, who we is is never explained, discussed it and we
realised that some people find the word skinny offensive, so we've removed it.
We serve trim lattes now."
Anyone who has enough time on their hands to have their life set
off course by the word fat - deserves to be imprisoned and not allowed out
unless the safety of the rest of the populace can be guaranteed from their
overworked sensitivity genes.
"Well that's all well and good," I said "but if
it's all the same to you, I'll stick with my skinny lattes."
It wasn't.
"We don't do skinny lattes. We do trim lattes."
I was surprised that our token representative of the extreme
right, a woman who would happily kill off more of the world than is possibly
good for us, took all this with a calm pursed lips expression.
"Can you believe that?"
"God damned velvet wearers," she said. "They all
want to rule the world."
I'm a simple person. I like the Rolling Stones.
When I got home I had an extraordinary special offer waiting for
me in my inbox. I can get a 45 minute ultrasonic fat cavitation session for
$129 normal price $1375. can you believe my luck?